


a million little pieces

by angstinspace



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Homesick Lance (Voltron), lance and blue bonding, lancito, mid season 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 08:45:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15926921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstinspace/pseuds/angstinspace
Summary: Lance confesses to Blue how much he misses home. What he doesn't expect to find out is that Blue misses things, too.- a piece written forLancito! Zine





	a million little pieces

**Author's Note:**

> hey so this is my piece that i wrote for [lancito!](https://lancitozine.tumblr.com/) and i'm super excited that i can finally post it. :'')
> 
> this was a challenging piece for me but ultimately i'm really happy with it!! also like not to be really sappy but....honestly being a part of this zine was life-changing because i met some of my best friends because of it. ♡ i'm eternally grateful that i applied and it was so amazing and humbling to be part of a project with so many incredibly talented writers & artists, and for such a good cause. so proud of everyone involved, and thanks so much to everyone who helped me with this piece! 
> 
> anyway on to the actual fic... i figure it doesn't need much introduction because it's so short, but just for context it takes place in early canon, i imagine like mid-s1. i guess there's not much else to say, so...enjoy! 
> 
> (btw the title and overall vibe of the fic were inspired by "[no one said it would be easy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQyhNfmjcOg)" by cloud cult, one of my fave songs ever and defo a lance song so i highly recommend it)

On his first night in space, Lance dreams of home.

Images seep into his mind from a galaxy light-years away, hazy and sepia-toned like old photographs. A floral-print couch. His mother's laugh. His father's shoes, too big for his five-year-old feet. The spots on his grandmother's hands.

He dreams of the ocean and wakes up with saltwater on his lips. 

In the following weeks, he stops dreaming. He lies awake remembering the faces of everyone he knows––parents and grandparents, siblings and cousins, nieces and nephews. He catalogs every scar, freckle, and wrinkle. 

He's so scared of forgetting.

It's startling how he leaps from one role into another, shedding his hoodie in exchange for armor. Lance, the boy. Lance, the paladin. 

Space is merciless. Lance fears it like he once feared the ocean––an endless expanse of matter, beautiful and frightening. He remembers stumbling along the seashore and collecting bits of glass and rounded pebbles, the smooth texture between his fingers, how fascinated he was by the harrowing journeys these tiny treasures had made back to the land.

He wonders if he will make it back to Earth the same way, smoothed at the edges after years of tossing in a violent frenzy. If he will make it back at all. 

Each day bleeds into the next, with no sunlight to mark the passage of time. Lance attempts to count the days but soon loses track in the endless stream of battles. He has stared death in the face, now. He has looked down the barrel of a gun, felt the searing heat of an explosion at his back, known the cold embrace of a cryopod. 

It's been weeks, perhaps months. Earth has started to feel like a phantom limb. 

\--

Things are quiet for once, but things are never truly quiet for Lance––not with the doubts and worries that swarm into his mind at the first hint of silence. He tries to assuage the negative feelings with his usual bright demeanor as he strolls through the passages of the Castle, greeting his teammates as he passes. 

Hunk and Pidge are hacking into a small droid they stole on their last mission, frowning over a tangle of colored wires. Allura and Coran bustle about the control room amidst hovering maps and diagrams, discussing battle strategies. Knowing Keith, he’s probably on the training deck fighting five robots at once ( _show-off_ ). Shiro is nowhere to be found––probably taking a nap.

No one protests Lance’s presence, but they all seem too involved in their work to pay him much attention. He doesn’t mind. He’s happy to float from one place to another and slide into whatever role is necessary at the moment. But for now, no one seems to need his help.

Lance goes back to pacing down the long corridor, his hands deep in his sweatshirt pockets. He considers going to his room, but the thought of being alone makes him feel empty.

Finally, without knowing why, he wanders toward the hangar.

He's used to entering the cavernous room under very different circumstances––with the blare of alarms reverberating down the Castle halls, Allura yelling commands over the comms as the paladins rush towards their lions. Right now the hangar is silent, with the lions poised in a circle like ancient deities.

Lance is drawn to Blue as if by some magnetic force, as he's been ever since they found her back on Earth. Just like their first encounter, she sits quietly before him with her shield surrounding her in a glowing sphere.

Not for the first time, the sight of her tugs at him. It's an odd sense of familiarity, like recognizing someone's face but being unable to remember their name. He's felt that way ever since they first met, and he hasn't been able to shake it away––like some vital part of their connection is missing.

"Hey, Blue," he says at last, tilting his head up. He feels vulnerable, standing there in his casual clothes rather than the armor he usually wears in the presence of his lion.

Blue doesn't answer. But Lance can sense her listening, like a quiet hum at the back of his mind.

He releases a heavy sigh, his gaze dropping to the floor.

"Do you think you could let me in for a minute?"

He doesn't want to explain why. He doesn't even _know_ why.

But without question, Blue’s shield disintegrates. She lowers her head and her jaws open with a loud creak.

Lance smiles up at her. "Thanks, girl." 

As soon as Blue's jaws shut behind him, Lance can feel her shifting and raising her head again. He enters the cockpit, and the dashboard lights up for him as it always does. An array of holographic screens flicker to life, hovering in front of the windshield. 

Lance lowers himself onto the floor, taking refuge in the space between the piloting chair and the dashboard. He draws his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around them. He feels very small, wishing there was a pair of arms to hold him besides his own.

Blue's concern washes over him, settling on his shoulders like a blanket. He still isn't quite used to the strength of their connection, how sometimes he can't distinguish her thoughts from his own.

"Yeah, I'm okay," he tells her quietly. "I just needed to talk to someone, and everyone else was busy. So I thought you might be able to listen."

Blue doesn't answer. Lance didn't expect she would.

"I miss home, Blue." 

He's said it once before in front of Coran, but he's been afraid to say it again since then. This time the confession cracks something open in his chest, and he can't stop the words from spilling out.

"I miss Earth. I miss my family."

The screens around him blur in his vision, and he lowers his head to rest it against his knees.

"I know you don't understand ‘cause you're a giant robot cat and all. But it's so hard sometimes. I get so scared of forgetting them, or that they're forgetting me, or that they think I'm––"

His breath catches painfully in his chest. He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to hold in the tears that threaten to spill out.

"I don't want to seem ungrateful that you chose me. But sometimes, all I really want is to go home."

Only silence answers his confession––a handful of words spoken in an enclosed space, in the ever-expanding vastness of the universe.

Lance remains with his head lowered. He wishes he could say more, that he could put the depth of his emotions into words. He doesn’t know how. Not in any language.

But surprisingly, after what feels like an eternity, he feels a shift in the atmosphere around him. A gentle hum vibrates through the floor underneath Lance. An undefinable sensation crawls up his spine, causing him to lift his head again. Above him, Blue's dashboard glows invitingly.

Sniffing, Lance runs his sleeve across his eyes. "What is it, girl?"

As he rises to his feet, Lance senses a new array of emotions radiating from Blue. Something tentative and gentle, but also vaguely curious. 

She wants him to show her. She wants to see Earth.

"You want me to ... ? I don’t know, Blue. I don't know how.”

Blue remains unfaltering, and Lance feels the ghost of a hand reaching out to him. It's a familiar sensation that Lance has only felt from Blue in the heat of battle––a mutual and blind trust, a promise to protect each other because they have no other choice. She wants him to trust her that way now, in the hollow silence of the hangar.

Lance breathes out.

"Okay, Blue. I'll try."

He closes his eyes.

Blue's response is instantaneous. Lance almost falls over at the sudden connection of their minds, but he manages to catch himself against the dashboard. Even though he remains distantly aware of the cool surface under his hand and the sturdy floor beneath his feet, he feels like he's floating, like he's taken an unexpected plunge into deep water.

He remembers learning to swim for the first time, chest aching and small limbs flailing. And then his mother's steady hands, her soothing voice. _"It’s alright. I've got you, I've got you."_

He feels Blue's presence there, holding him up. As their minds fuse, she explores the labyrinth of his memories. But she never goes where she isn't wanted, only following where Lance leads her.

Lance doesn't know exactly how he selects which memories to share. They seem to surface of their own accord. There are things he hadn't even remembered until now, things he didn't know had mattered to him so much. 

The ocean churning and gleaming under the sun. Dusty streets and heat shimmering off the pavement. Falling asleep at night in a dark room, comforted by the indistinct murmur of his parents' conversations downstairs. A noisy kitchen. His small arms wrapped around his father's legs. Nights spent gazing at the stars and wishing, dreaming of planets far away. 

The memories rush through him and then disintegrate. When he opens his eyes, he's not surprised to find tears spilling out of them. He feels as if he's been punched in the chest, and he sits heavily in the seat behind him. 

He can still sense his connection with Blue like electricity running through his veins. A low rumble rattles through the cockpit, traced with concern. 

"Yeah," Lance says hoarsely. "I'm okay. I'm glad I showed you." 

He releases a shuddering breath and wipes at his eyes again, managing a weak smile. But he freezes as he looks up again and sees the displays on Blue’s hovering screens all around him. 

She's showing him Earth.

Each glowing screen displays something different––ocean waves rolling and foaming under the warmth of a setting sun, rain coursing down over an empty plain, fields of green grass dotted with flowers. Lance doesn't know whether Blue has fabricated these images based on his memories or by some other means, but he's too moved by the gesture to question it.

"Blue," he whispers, and he isn't sure whether he's speaking his lion's name or just marveling at the beautiful color he sees all around him. 

Lance rises to his feet again, eyes stinging as a wistful smile spreads across his face. He reaches for the nearest hovering image––the ocean shimmering under the painted sky. It looks so real that he could almost touch it, but his fingers pass through the hologram. 

His smile fades.

“Do you ever miss things, too?” he asks quietly.

Blue takes a moment to answer, and the silence stretches out for so long that Lance begins to suspect Blue won't respond.

But then she cautiously shares something with him: a familiar pain that he's felt many times before, multiplied tenfold, spanning thousands of years.

Yes. She misses things, too.

She has known millennia of loneliness, isolated in an underground cave by herself. She missed the sky, the stars, always within her reach but separated by darkness and stone. She missed the other lions, scattered far across the galaxies. She misses Altea, the towering mountains, the bright fields of flowers. She misses her former paladin. She still sometimes sees Lance's crooked smile or hears his whoop of joy and forgets who's piloting her. 

"I'm so sorry, Blue," Lance tells her softly, placing a hand against her dashboard. His own guilt surfaces through Blue's sorrow. "I didn't know. I should have asked sooner."

Her forgiveness is immediate. She wishes she had asked him sooner, too.

Lance lets out a shaky breath as he observes the screens floating around him, still flickering with detailed images of Earth.

Blue rumbles. Even though she can't speak, Lance senses the sentiment that flows through her. Missing things isn't a weakness, she tells him. She misses home, too. Sometimes the grief almost consumes her.

But the moment she met Lance, she felt hope for the universe in a way she hadn’t felt in centuries. He was the missing piece she'd been waiting for. 

Something swells in Lance's chest. He smiles as he sits down again, keeping his eyes lifted to the shifting images of Earth above him. 

They may both be far from home––and in Lance’s case, he doesn’t know if he’ll return.

But for now, they have each other. 

"Thanks, Blue," Lance whispers. "I'm glad you chose me, too."

**Author's Note:**

> hey thanks so much for reading! as always, i'm always interested to hear your thoughts/questions/whatever in the comments, and you can always feel free to hit me up on twitter, tumblr, or curiouscat (links below)! :) 
> 
> \--
> 
> ☆ [other fics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstinspace/pseuds/angstinspace) ☆ [tumblr](http://angst-in-space.tumblr.com/) ☆ [twitter](https://twitter.com/angst_in_space) ☆ [carrd](https://angstinspace.carrd.co/) ☆ [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/angst_in_space) ☆


End file.
